Jealousy
by Elpin
Summary: Remus is jealous. Being drunk doesn't help matters. Add a game of I never, and the others learn new things about Mr. Lupin. SLASH.
1. I Never

**Warning:**none really in this chapter. Very mild language.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it, and you know it. Rowling is the goddess of all Harry Potter and I am but a lowly mortal who borrows from the master.

**Note**: This just popped into my head. I was just thinking about jealousy in general. This could be one shot, or it could continue… I think maybe it should. Please tell me if you think it should!

**Note 2:** The "I never" game is played by the same rules me and my friends use. I don't know if they are common, but we play like that all the time.

-:-

Jealousy.

At first I refuse to admit it to myself. I make up excuses. I have other things on my mind. It has nothing to do with… that. But the evidence is staring me straight in the face. I can't ignore it. And I hate both him and myself for it. When I finally admit it, accept it, it makes it even worse. I am a bad person. I am jealous of my best friend. Every time I see him I want to scream, even though I know I'm wrong and should just be happy for him, but I can't. I could more easily stop myself becoming a monster every month. Though I am now under the belief that I may be turning into a monster more often. It's like my skin is on fire and my stomach is nonexistent. I'm hollow and full, cold and burning up, exploding and imploding, all at the same time. Some primal part of me has me pulling at my hair, screaming at the injustice of it all. Another part, the calm and collected exterior of Remus John Lupin, is silently accepting and mourning the loss of something I never had.

"Are you playing, Remus?" someone disturbs my thoughts. I look up. James is standing there, the usual grin plastered across his face, a bottle of firewhiskey in his hand. I glance around the common room. It's late, I hadn't realized, and the fire is the only light-source, but it's great and warm. There is a group of sixth-years sitting in front of the fire, laughing and holding bottles of their own. My stomach flinches at the sight of Sirius, sitting leaned back on his arms with that… _that_ leaning up against him. They are all looking merry, no school robes, and cheeks slightly flushed from the closeness of the fire. I feel it too, even though I'm all the way across the room at my normal study-table. I of course still have my robes on. I hardly ever wear casual clothing. Suddenly I realize I haven't given an answer yet. I didn't even hear the question.

"Sorry?" I ask as I finally look back at James. He's always so patient with my odd moods. He just smiles warmly and knowingly.

"I asked you if you wanted to join us in a game of "I Never"" I instinctively shake my head, knowing from experience that games played late at night in front of the fire with only fellow sixth-years is always a bad idea. This time however, James seems intent on having me join in the "fun."

"Oh, come on, Moony?" He thinks I will fold more easily by using my pet name. "You don't even know the rules yet! It's fun! I promise!" The promise of fun given by James Potter is seldom a laughing matter, at least not for any Slytherins in the near vicinity. I sigh. This is not going to be easy to get out of. I decide to humour him.

"Tell me the rules then. I assume it involves drinking copious amounts of firewhiskey while at the same time doing or saying something to embarrass yourself?"

"So you've played before?" I try not to laugh, but it's hard and James knows me enough to know I'm close to folding.

"No, just a lucky guess."

"Someone says I never did something, and whoever _has_ done it drinks. If no one drinks then the one who said it has to down the bottle no matter what." Urgh, I already know I'm going to hate this game. Still, I might as well since James no doubt wont stop tormenting me until I do. I sigh and James gives a cry of triumph like he's won the House Cup. He ushers me over to the circle of people, the other two Marauders, two other boys and six girls. Every Gryffindor in sixth-year is playing, but I'm just glad it's not even more considering the track record of such in-house late-night games. I sit down, exactly opposite Sirius and… that _thing_. Suddenly I'm deaf and my insides are burning up. I can't hear James going over the rules again. All I can see is delicate hands with pink nail varnish lightly resting on tight thigh muscles bulging through smooth blue jeans. I want to slap it away, but I don't of course. Why must I feel this way? Why can't I be normal like everyone else in this circle? Why must I not only be the residence werewolf, but a great sodding poofer who's in… _love_ with his mate. I mentally chide myself for using such language, even inside my head. Then a sudden urge fills me. Why not let Sirius know the real Remus? Why must I always play the docile _Remmie _in front of everybody? I'm not the innocent everyone thinks. I've had my share of experiences… I think. Sure Sirius has probably had tons more, but I'm no bleeding virgin either. In fact I feel it is high time to test out my friends views on certain subjects. I try to ignore another burst of jealousy as Sirius makes the thing laugh again. With it however my courage builds. I want them all to know, especially _her. _

"Oh, and of course if the "I never" is so that no one's likely to have done it many times you can ask that people take as many drinks as they have done it. So? Who's first? I'll go just to get things started. It's customary to start off with things we know everybody's done, so that we all drink and get in the mood." I notice a bottle has somehow appeared in my hand. I must make a greater effort lot to drift so much into my own world.

"But remember that some of us are muggle-born and therefore some things aren't as universal as you'd think." It's her voice, and I hate it as always. It's almost too feminine. I want to shut her up. I almost start right then with my own "I never." I want her to know, though I can't say why, that Sirius isn't the only one who can play bad-boy.

"Of course. Ok. I've never wanted to kick Filch's cat Mrs. Norris!" Laughs all around and I can't help but smile, and drink of course. Everybody else drinks as well. Sirius starts to drain the bottle until someone tells him to save some for later.

"I've never used magic in the corridors between classes with other than scholarly intentions!" Charles says a little proudly. He's on the Quiddith team with James. Everyone drinks this time too, even Lily to James' enjoyment. These kinds of "I never" go on for another few minutes until some of them became less… universal.

"I have never accepted a knightly quest at the behest of Sir Cadogan!" Sirius suddenly bursts out, very knightly sounding himself. I laugh outright this time, loving the animated figure of my friend. Friend being the key word I remind myself. Both James and Sirius drink and everybody wants to know when and how, but they just shrug the questions off. James casts a knowing glance in my direction. I remember the incident well and laugh even more at the thought of it.

"I've never had sex," says Sirius, of course. The girl, still leaning into him, starts to giggle. _Of course she's just thrown herself at him_. "And drink as many times as you've done it mind you!" Everyone looks around at each other before tentatively starting to drink, while still keeping one eye of everyone else. James keeps glancing at Lily, but neither drink. Charles takes a sizeable gulp, but to my relief only Rebecca, a nice girl I often study with, of the girls takes a small discreet sip. I start to drink myself, trying to push away all thoughts that might tell me to stop, and I concentrate only on counting. _One, two, three._ Then again, was I sure I could remember exactly how many times me and Robert had _done it_ last summer? We had both known it was nothing but a mutual understanding that we simply enjoy each others company, but I hadn't exactly kept count. I decided to make a humble estimate. _Eigth, nine._ We hadn't met that often. I stop, my bottle now almost completely empty. I look up, my thoughts a bit fuzzy and my sight strangely crooked. I realize everybody is staring at me, most with gaping mouths and wide eyes. I gulp, very loudly I think. James is grinning like a mad man. I look at Sirius. He's gaping, but his eyes a filled with something else as well. Something I can't quite place in my current state.

"Bloody hell, Remus!" James says shocked and amused. "Even Sirius stopped after, four was it?"

"Three," corrected Lily. Her eyes go from shock to smugness in two seconds, though I don't understand why exactly. I try to look around and focus on something solid. Maybe that will help my thoughts focus as well. I try to shake my head, but that only makes the dizziness worse. Some deep part within myself must still be functioning enough to understand that I need to get out of here before they start asking questions. My courage has dwindled completely. I don't want to look at Sirius' shocked face anymore. The hidden Remus should have stayed hidden perhaps. I'm standing now, swaying slightly. The girl is no longer leaning against Sirius, but looking very amused and shaking with silent giggles. I want her to die when I see her hand still on his thigh. Then my stomach tells me there's no time for death-threats.

"Excuse me I'm… feeling ill," I don't know if they can understand me. They don't look like they do. Suddenly my excuse is no longer an excuse as I have the strong urge to get the firewhiskey out of me. I rush towards the bathrooms, trying desperately to ignore the snickering that follows. I think I hear a familiar voice say "Shut up," but I can't be sure. All I know now is that the firewhiskey is no longer in me and I'm sitting in one of the stalls, my back to the somehow closed door. I sit there, trying to sober myself up through sheer strength of will. It isn't working. All of a sudden I'm lying on my back staring into the face of my Sirius. I mentally hit myself for thinking _my_. I feel my thoughts beginning to make sense again, though I still can't seem to focus on anything.

"Sorry, didn't know you were leaning against the door. Are you OK?"

"Fine… I think." My head abruptly starts hurting and I put my hand on it and close my eyes.

"That was some… drink," Sirius says quietly. I can't deal with this now. I knew I would regret this game, didn't I?

"I don't want to talk about it now. I'm going to bed… if I can get there." I get up, slowly, but fall as I take my first step. Sirius is there to help me, but I hardly register it. All I want is sweet oblivion in sleep. I'll deal with the looks and stares and questions and comments and whispers tomorrow. Now they know. I'm not all innocent.

"No, you most certainly are not, Moony." I don't know who's talking or why. I wish I could kick, no kill, myself for being jealous of Emily. That's her name. If it wasn't for her I wouldn't have gotten the urge to… I hate Sirius. He's too damn… something. My thoughts are going everywhere at once. Stupid jealous prat, that's me. Finally I drift into nothingness, sweet black nothingness.

-:-

Hope you like it. I thought perhaps I could write another chapter from Sirius' POV, but now I'm not so sure. Perhaps it's because I'm dead tired myself and therefore think sleep is a good ending to anything.

Note: I don't usually write in the present tense, so please excuse any discrepancies on that part.


	2. Understanding

**Warning: **Stronger language than before as this is Sirius' POV.

**Disclaimer:** I don't own it and you know it etc.

**Note**: Sirius' POV, the morning after. Thanks to everybody who reviewed! It really made my day!! Now I really know I need to finish this!

-:-

It is official. I mean I always knew the day would come, eventually, but now I know. I am completely and utterly bonkers. The worst part is that I don't understand why I'm feeling this way. Why did last night affect me so? Strange though, that I can think so clearly when I know I'm just as mad as Professor Rossi, our Divinations teacher. Bugger. I'm rambling, which I don't usually do. I usually just _do things_. If there's a problem I do something to fix it, but I don't sit around and think about it. Not like Remus.

Remus! Bloody hell, I can't let my thoughts go down this road. It's definitely time to do something! I get up and my head immediately starts to protest. I make a silent vow to never drink again, just for show of course. I look about the room. It's quiet. All I hear is Peter's snoring. The sun is just starting to come through the window. My feet must have grown a mind of their own during the night for I am suddenly in front of Remus' bed. My hands shake as I pull the curtains aside. And there he is. How can someone look so damn beautiful after a night of drinking firewhiskey and throwing up? Wait. Did I just… yeah. Bugger. He's moving. I should get lost, but I seem to be rooted to the spot.

"Sirius?" I hear him mumble. Is he still asleep? I don't know, but I still answer.

"I'm here." I say. "How're you feeling?"

"Like my brain is made of flobberworms," He tries to sit up and manages it quite well considering. I don't know if he's avoiding my eyes on purpose, but I don't like it. It suddenly hits me. This isn't my Remus. The bookish, quiet and shy kid I met in first-year. All this time I thought _I_ was the one who had been around. I never imagined… but why do I care? Why are my insides boiling? I want to shake him. I want him tell me who, when and why. I can't seem to identify this feeling inside me. Finally he's looking at me. His eyes are red and his hair is standing out in every direction. Despite this he's looking adorable.

"Was there something in particular that you wanted?" I open my mouth, but nothing springs to mind. That's not like me. I always know what to say and what to do, even if I don't plan stuff like Remus. But now it's like I'm petrified. Why am I angry with Remus? Then again I'm not, because all I want to do all of a sudden is gently brush his hair out of his eyes and ask him if there's anything I can do. I don't do this however. I simply shrug and leave. What the fuck is wrong with me?

Afternoon on a Sunday. Usually a great time to plan stuff for the next week, or in Remus' case get some extra work done. He isn't working though. And James and I aren't planning. Practically everyone else is outside enjoying the snow, but all the sixth-years seem to have a strange desire to sleep in. It's really a miracle that all the Marauders are up and sitting in the common room.

"I think I'm hungry," Peter says suddenly, breaking the silence. None of us have been to breakfast. I'm hungry too, but I don't feel like moving. Can't be bothered.

"Kitchen raid," James says with a husky voice. They both get up, James looks at me, but I just shake my head and he understands. Now we're alone, and I can't stop staring at him. He looks like nothing's different. Like nothing happened at all. How can he do that? Just sit there and stare into the fire like it's perfectly normal.

"Do you feel like talking about it now?" I ask, cursing myself for letting so much uncertainty into my voice. I'm the confident one of us. At least I used to be. Remus looks at me, his eyes betraying no emotion, the bastard. Why can't I read him like I always do?

"What is there to talk about exactly, Sirius? What? Are you going to plague me with questions just because I've done some stuff I didn't immediately come and tell you about? It's not like I don't usually keep secrets. I thought you were used to that now. I tell you what I need to tell you. This is… nothing." He says all this in a calm voice, and I hate him for it.

"I don't know," I say truthfully. I really don't know why I need to know. But I do _need_ to know. "Is it someone in our year? Was it Rebecca? I just want, as your friend, to know which girl stole Moony's heart." I try to say this jokingly, but it comes out sad. I really don't get myself today.

"Fine, you want to know everything about me Sirius?" Moony turns his whole body towards me. We're sitting on the same couch, and for some strange reason my breathing stops when I realize how close we are. He's sounding serious now, angry even. "Sirius. I'm gay. I met a guy named Robert during the summer. We had some fun. It was nothing. I'll probably never see him again, but it still was a nice experience to have. There. Now you know. Happy?" No, I was not happy. I don't understand at all. I want Robert to die. I physically flinch as I think about him and my Moony together. Then I gasp. I know. I'm totally jealous. I wish it had been me. Bloody hell. I want Remus.

"So, you really think it's that disgusting?" Remus says suddenly. I'm confused. I didn't say anything and yet he's getting up and practically running away from me. I call after him, but he ignores me. What is going on? Oh, no! Merlin, I am the berk of the century, no millennium. He must have thought I was reacting to him being gay, when in fact that's the only good thing I learned all day! I want to run after him, but I don't. I'm still in shock I guess from this searing jealousy. I feel like jumping up and down or just die. I'm not sure which. All I know is that I have to do something, and for the first time in my life I don't have any idea what that is.

-:-

This chapter was really hard to write! I tried to make it different from Remus' POV, but it's hard since I really feel like I identify with Remus more easily. Again sorry for any discrepancies on the present tense since English isn't my first language. Next chapter I don't know what's going to happen. The ending just came out of nowhere! But I'll figure out something.


	3. Just being civil?

**Warning: **Language, but I bet you guessed as much. ;-)

**Disclaimer**: You know the drill. I don't own it anything.

**Note**: I was really getting tired trying to decide whose POV this chapter was going to be. So in the end I decided to do Sirius' again, but not in the first person, and also to write in the past tense just because I want to. I just like the writing that way more. Oh, and the incident with Snape hasn't happened yet, and I don't know if I want to write about it at all. I'll figure it out later.

-:-

"James! ... James!" Sirius came to an abrupt halt in front of the aforementioned boy and started panting for breath. "James… Have you seen Remus?" Sirius was almost collapsing from exhaustion. James decided to hold on to the boy just to be safe.

"What the hell's the matter with you? Why do you need Remus? I thought you were still in the common room."

"Something bad happened. Really terrible. All my fault. Need to find him. The Map! Do you have it?" Sirius grabbed hold of James' shoulder, shaking him.

"No! Let go! Merlin, Sirius! It's in my trunk, but tell me-" Sirius didn't hear anymore because he was running up the stairs again back to the dormitory. There was only one thought going through his head: _Must find Remus and explain._ He couldn't bear the thought about Remus thinking any bad thoughts about him. He wanted to kick himself in the arse, but there wasn't time. Anyone who saw him would think Sirius was running for his life, but then again it wasn't the first time Sirius had come bounding through the common room. They most likely thought some amusing prank was going to happen any second.

When he reached the dormitory he headed straight for James' trunk and started throwing things out onto the floor. Finally he saw the already tattered piece of parchment and grabbed it.

"I… solemnly… swear that… I am up… to no good," he panted. The image of Hogwarts castle and grounds appeared along with many dots scattered all over the place. Sirius started scanning the areas where Remus most likely would have gone. But the library, towers and gardens were all empty of Remus.

"He must be in the Room of Requirement," Sirius thought aloud, knowing the dot marked Remus wouldn't show if he was in that particular room. Just then however his eyes glided over the dungeons, and landed on a small dots pacing back and forth in an unused potions classroom. It was marked Remus, but Sirius' eyes didn't stay locked on to this dot for long because there was another dot in the room, standing still while the Remus dot moved back and forth in front of it. Sirius gasped when the name finally got through to his brain. _Severus Snape_.

"What the bloody _hell_ is he doing there!" Sirius shouted to the map, almost expecting an explanation. _Why would Remus go to the dungeons and talk to Snape? Why would… _Sirius' thoughts seemed to have stopped working as a wave of jealousy engulfed him. For a few seconds his limbs wouldn't react to his will. He wanted to find Snape and make sure he never spoke to his Moony again. Suddenly, as if struck by lightning, Sirius ran out and through the common room, this time people shouted after him, asking what was going on, but he was as good as deaf to them.

Sirius ran so fast that when he reached the door to the dungeon classroom he had to throw himself against a nearby wall to stop. He concentrated on getting his breathing under control for a minute before stealthily opening the door. The classroom had only a few desks left in it, all pushed up against the blackboard. A handful of torches burned along the walls. There were no windows, and the air was damp and filled with the smell of stale potions. Sirius wasn't sure exactly why he didn't just burst in, but he didn't have time to reflect on that for he was hearing the voice of Remus, and it sounded very upset.

"I just don't understand! He's my friend!" Remus ranted as he continued to pace back and forth in front of Snape, who was leaning against a wall with his arms crossed and a weary look on his face.

"For Merlin's sake Remus! Perhaps I would be able to help if you actually _told me_ what the bugger did to you!" Remus stopped dead in his tracks and looked at Snape. Sirius couldn't see the expression on his face because his back was to the door. Remus let out a long breath and hung his head.

"I told him about Robert," he said in a small voice. Sirius' insides were the same temperature as an active volcano. _Why does Snape know? Why does he want to help? Why doesn't he just fall over dead?_ He heard Snape sigh, then stand up and walk over to Remus, who still had his head bowed. Snape was looking _sympathetic?_ Sirius' mind wasn't able to process everything he was seeing very well.

"Now why would you go and do a stupid thing like that?" Snape said as he shook his head. "You know the… that Black has the intellectual capacity of a dungbomb." Remus head snapped up. Snape raised his hands. "Ok! So he's no dungbomd, but honestly… Why tell him?" Remus was looking at his shoes again.

"It just came out. I was so jealous of him and Emily. I just wanted him to… I don't know. Be jealous to perhaps. Stupid." Snape put a hand on Remus' shoulder.

"I don't think it was stupid, just misguided perhaps. He's not gay. You've said so often enough. So he can't get jealous of you and some bloke now can he?"

"I just never expected him to react with… disgust."

"Well, that does only prove my dungbomb theory you know?" Remus snorted, but didn't look up or protest. "He'll get over it. Then you wont have to come talk to me all the time. I know we said we'd be civil so we could talk about our shared preferences, but it's getting risky sneaking off to talk all the time. Can you imagine what it would do to my reputation if someone found out _I_ was being civil to a Marauder?"

"So, all you do is be civil to me?" Remus looked up and Snape sighed again and then smiled. This proved to be the breaking point for Sirius. He pushed to door wide open with all his strength and strode into the room. Remus and Snape both jumped in shock.

"Sirius!" Remus called, sounding terrified. Snape was looking at Sirius with disgust, but his hand was still on Remus' shoulder.

"Get your hand off him!" Sirius shouted while pointing at Snape. Snape's hand flew off Remus' shoulder, more from shock than fear. Remus looked from Snape to Sirius.

"What are you doing here!?"

-:-

So sorry to leave off like that, but I just looooove cliffhangers! Love to read 'em, love to write 'em! Any ideas for how this might end? Think I should write about the night of the Prank, or just finish it with a happy ending, sort of. Tell me what you think!


	4. Who's jealous?

**Warning:** Language! And perhaps a little kiss? Who knows!

**Disclaimer**: See last chapter will you? I just can't be bothered!

**Note:** I know some of you got a bit upset about the cliffhanger and I am truly sorry (rubs hands together while saying "excellent" in a very Mr. Burns type of way), but I still love you all for taking the time to review!!

-:-

"What are you doing here?!" Remus shouted. He was not amused. In fact he started to get really angry once the shock from Sirius bursting into the room had subsided. _How dare he! _He kept repeating in his head. Sirius practically just told him a moment ago that he found his homosexuality disgusting, and now he was going to try and dictate who he could be friends with? Suddenly Sirius moved forward, and Remus took a step back.

"Remus. Why? Snape! Of all people!" Now he could really feel the anger. It was as if he had never felt any other emotion before. All the energy from his constant jealousy of Emily and Sirius had been converted somehow, and all he really wanted to do was punch Sirius very hard. Again Sirius advanced and Remus took a step back. He may be a werewolf, but considering how long it was to the next full moon he wasn't at all confident he could take Sirius if the taller boy decided to make this physical. Quickly he calculated Snape into the mix, if he would help him, which Remus wasn't at all sure of either. Remus was looking at Snape, who seemed mildly amused for some reason. He looked back at Sirius and noticed that the normally confident boy looked utterly defeated. This was even more confusing than the anger in Sirius' voice a moment ago.

"Oh, this is _too_ good," Snape declared. Sirius rounded on him in a second.

"You shut up!" He snapped.

"You leave him alone," Remus said firmly. Sirius looked back at Remus with a shocked face. Snape still seemed more amused than anything else.

"You're defending _him?_"

"This has nothing to do with Severus," Remus said even though he was sure it probably was about Snape, but he needed Sirius to either explain or leave before he completely lost control. "Would you care to explain what it is you are doing here? You have no right to come barging in like that!"

"Remus," Sirius almost whispered as he advanced once more. This time Remus was too distracted by the sadness in those perfect grey eyes to move. Suddenly Sirius grabbed his head, rather forcefully, and pulled him into a clumsy kiss. This was too much for Remus' brain to handle and for about two seconds it shut itself down. When it finally rebooted Remus was feeling surprisingly even angrier than before, with an added dash of confusion. He pushed Sirius away with all his strength.

"What the _bloody hell_ was that!" Remus all but screamed. Remus couldn't think straight. There was too much emotion running through every vein in his body. He wanted to explode, but instead he willed himself to retreat into his mind and try to some up with some coherent thoughts. _First I'm disgusting, and now he… what exactly did he do? How exactly am I suppose to react to that? It must be some insane trick or prank or… Merlin, does he know? Is he trying to drive me insane? But he wouldn't do that! He's still my… friend? Does he hate me now?_ Remus was shaking his head all the while. He found it comforting to actually do something while trying to keep from going insane. Sirius took a step forward yet again, and Remus jumped back.

"Stay away from me!" Remus pointed a threatening finger at Sirius.

"Oh, this is getting old real fast," came Snape's voice from somewhere, but Remus couldn't really hear that well anymore. "Why don't you just give the boy a straight answer instead of scaring him half to death? I can't believe how boring you two are! I'm leaving!" A moment later Remus heard the door slam shut. He was staring at Sirius, who was staring right back at him.

"Why did you come here?" Remus asked, his voice very hoarse suddenly.

"Oh, fuck Remus. I'm so sorry! I guess wanted to explain what happened in the common room, but then I saw you on the Map with Snape and I just… got so jealous." Sirius' eyes were now focused intently at the floor.

"You were jealous of… me and Severus?" Remus asked warily.

"Of course I-" Sirius took a deep breath. "I was first jealous of Robert. I hated thinking about him and you together. I realized I wanted… you. More than anything or anyone. Ever. And I know that doesn't give me the right to just kiss you. I'm sorry." He let the rest of his breath out in a rush. Remus was breathing very heavily himself. He tentatively reached out to touch Sirius' shoulder. Pale grey eyes shot up to meet golden. Sirius opened his mouth, but Remus started speaking first.

"It's fine, Sirius. I was jealous to. Horribly jealous. Of Emily." Sirius gasped.

"Really?" Remus nodded, a tiny smile playing on the corner of his mouth. Sirius again took hold of Remus' head, gently this time. Remus let himself be pulled closer until their noses were touching, and they lips just an inch apart.

"Wait," Remus breathed, closing his eyes. He wouldn't be able to resist if he looked into Sirius' eyes. His arms weren't resisting though, for they found themselves around Sirius' waist without Remus even noticing. They both stood like statues for a moment, except for their heavy breathing.

"What is it?" Sirius breathed, unable to wait any longer. "Don't you want-"

"Yes, of course I do." It was taking every bit on self-control Remus had left not to sacrifice that last inch for Sirius' soft lips. "But… what about Emily?"

"I don't think she would care to join us." Sirius' voice was very husky suddenly.

"That's not what I mean. Are you still with her?"

"Well, I had planned to break up with her the second I see her. I haven't really thought about her all day. But I will. I promise." Sirius applied a slight pressure on the back of Remus' head, but Remus still resisted.

"It wouldn't be right, Sirius. You need to break up with her before we…" Sirius' head suddenly dropped onto Remus' right shoulder, his arms hugging Remus, effectively trapping Remus' arms. Sirius sighed deeply.

"You seriously wont let me kiss you just because I haven't broken up with Emily, but will the moment we get back to the common room. It's just one kiss Moony. Please? I ache for you." Shivers ran all over Remus body when he heard Sirius speaking like that about _him_. "See. You want me to kiss you."

"That really has nothing to do with it. It wouldn't be right. I need… I need to know you're serious, and don't you _dare_ turn that into a pun. I need you to do this properly." Sirius let go of Remus and stood facing him, his eyes very uncharacteristically serious.

"Alright. You're right. As usual." He smiled warmly and Remus couldn't help but smile back while his insides melted at the sight.

"Thank you." Sirius just nodded and gestured towards the door.

"Come on. I'll find her straight away and tell her, but nothing you don't want me to of course." Sirius raised his eyebrows slightly. "Do you want us to keep it secret?" Remus moved towards the door, and Sirius followed. They kept silent a long time while ascending the many stairs from the dungeons. As they started making their way towards the common room Remus finally decided.

"I think perhaps we should keep it secret for a while. Until… well until we know exactly what this is." He didn't want Sirius to feel like he had committed himself to something more serious than he had bargained for. After all Remus had no idea if all Sirius was feeling was lust, hence the need to break up with Emily. _Then again,_ thought Remus. _Who would be lusting for me?_

"I want to scream it at the top of my lungs in the middle of breakfast." Remus stopped abruptly, staring at Sirius, who raised his hands in defence. "But I wont! I'm just telling you how I feel, in my own inept way." He smiled. "I think we should wait awhile, then eventually tell James and Peter. Sound good?" Remus nodded, feeling very light-headed, and they continued walking.

"Oh, I can't take this. I'm going on ahead. I need to find Emily. Fast." And without another word Sirius ran off towards the common room. Despite being left alone without so much as a goodbye, Remus was feeling more warm and fussy than ever before, and coming from a werewolf, that is saying a lot!

-:-

I just love to start writing with no idea what's going to happen, and then stuff like this comes out of me. I love a bit of fluff in the morning. This chapter was fun to write. Again thanks so much to everyone who reviewed! Keep them coming! Do you want me to write more? A little epilogue where they finally get to kiss perhaps? Or do you want the story to continue? I have no idea what would happen if it did, but then again I rarely ever do!


	5. Breaking up

**Warning: **This time there will be some adult themes (they are 16 year old boys after all)

**Disclaimer:** I borrowed these characters from a certain JK Rowling in case you didn't realize ;-)

**Note**: Alright, I have decided to write a little epilogue because I think it would suit the story best, and because I go back to university in a few days and will therefore have much less time to write anything other than history stuff.

**Note 2:** I didn't want to make Emily sad or a bitch (especially since one of my reviewers bears the same name. ;-) so I had to think of a reason why she would want to break up with Sirius (not an easy task! I mean: It's Sirius!). So here is the result. Again sorry for any spelling errors. I'm Norwegian you know 

-:-

"Have you seen Emily?" Sirius skidded to a halt in front of James for the second time that day, though not as exhausted as the first time, he was still panting slightly. James raised both his eyebrows as far as they could go.

"Merlin, Sirius. What's with you today? You're going to give yourself a heart-attack."

"Just tell me if you've seen her!" Sirius was clearly not in the mood for chitchat.

"I think she was here a moment ago. In fact I think she's looking for you. Lily told me Emily's been acting weird all day," James said while looking around the common room. Just then Emily came down the stairs from the girls dormitories, spotted Sirius and headed quickly over to him. She looked nervously at James before grabbing hold of Sirius arm and dragging him away to an empty corner of the common room. Sirius stared at her, quite nonplussed.

"Sirius, I… we need to talk. I received a letter from my father today, he's a wizard you know."

"I thought you were muggleborn?" Sirius didn't understand at all why this was relevant to their relationship, but he decided to let her say whatever it was she needed to before he broke up with her. He was stalling in other words.

"No, half-n-half," she mumbled absentmindedly, waving her hand. "The point is that in my last letter I told him about you. He knows about your family of course and… god, this is hard… Sirius. The fact is I need to break up with you." She looked him in the eye while saying this, and he stared back at her, caught somewhere between surprise and relief.

"Why?" It was an automated response with Sirius. He couldn't really care less. Of course he had never wanted to hurt the girl. She was very nice, but now he had just been given a way out of the relationship without complications and his mouth had decided to complain. He mentally hit himself over the head for being so conceited.

"Well…" her voice dropped to a whisper. "My father sent me a copy of his, my… _our_ family tree. Turns out we're a little too closely related for comfort. All the wizarding families are inbred you know, one of the reasons why father made a great effort to fall in love with a muggle. And I know it's not like we're going to have children any time soon, but I think it's best if just stop things now to be on the safe side." When she finished she looked around anxiously until her eyes rested on Sirius again, who was now grinning.

"Sirius?" She asked, clearly confused. Sirius quickly replaced the smile with what he thought was a very serious face.

"Emily. I really like you, but of course I wouldn't want you to be uncomfortable with our relationship. We can still be friends right?" He thought he had sounded very convincing, but Emily fixed him with a probing stare.

"Were you going to break up with me?" She asked curiously.

"No! Why would I… well, yes, but I'm really sorry Emily and I really do want us to be friends." Sirius caved under her piercing stare. To his surprise she smiled at him.

"So, who are you in love with? Come on, _friend_, out with it!" She started to giggle when she saw the shocked look on Sirius' face. "It's so obvious!"

"I promised I wouldn't tell anyone yet. That is… we want to keep it secret." Sirius was avoiding his former girlfriend's eyes very obviously suddenly.

"Why would you need to keep a relationship secret?"

"Well, because… it's a boy," Sirius glanced up at her to see her reaction. She was now the one grinning.

"Well, well. I guess you don't have to worry about inbred children anymore then," she patted him on the shoulder before practically skipping away. Sirius stood in shock for a few seconds, but was roused from his trance by the sight of his favourite werewolf coming through the portrait-hole. He ran over to Remus, grabbed the boy's arm and dragged him up to the dormitory. When he had closed the door and put a sufficient amount of silencing and locking charms on it he turned to look at Remus.

"You're beautiful," he whispered, taking the slightly smaller boy in his arm. "And now you're mine," he breathed into Remus' left ear, causing the boy to shiver.

"All yours, always." Sirius once again took the perfect face of his new boyfriend in his hands and leaned in for a true first kiss. It was softer than he had expected. Sirius had never kissed a boy, and at first didn't think it was any different from any of his kisses with Emily, but then Remus' passion started showing itself in the kiss. Sirius' mouth was pushed open by Remus' tongue and the battle commenced. Sirius' heart caught in his throat as he realize he was never going to feel anything close to the feelings rushing through him now with anybody other than Remus. Hands started to roam freely over chests and through hair. Robes were discarded. A moan escaped Remus' mouth, and this made Sirius crazy. He started unbuttoning Remus' shirt almost frantically. Suddenly his hands were stopped. He pulled away to see an uncertain Remus stare back at him.

"Maybe we should… turn off the lights or something," he mumbled.

"What? Why?" Sirius asked, genuinely confused, but then the reason for Remus' sudden shyness dawned on him. "Remus," he said, sounding probably more earnest than he had ever done in his life. "You can't honestly believe I care about your scar? Give me a little more credit than that." Sirius very gently slipped Remus' shirt off his shoulder and let it fall to the ground. Remus was looking intently at the wall to his right. Sirius looked at the scar and didn't think it was ugly at all. He started tracing it with soft kisses. Again Remus shivered as Sirius moved upwards, up Remus' neck, to nibble at an earlobe. When he felt Remus starting to unbutton his own shirt reality suddenly dawned on him again. Remus was the experienced one in the room. Sirius hadn't even kissed a boy before, and the few times he had had sex with girls hadn't been that great. Suddenly it was Sirius who looked uncertainly into Remus' smiling face. He had completely lost his nerve. He realized he didn't want to let Remus down, or do something utterly stupid. _Why does my usual confidence always fail around Remus?_

"Don't look so scared, Sirius," Remus murmured as he started trace Sirius' now bare chest with his fingers. "We don't have to rush anything. Just do what feels right and good. It'll be perfect no matter what." Sirius knew Remus was right, as always. And he also knew that was one of the reason why he loved him so completely.

-End-

-:-

A little more than a kiss wasn't it? Hope the ending wasn't too cliché, but hey, clichés are clichés for a reason, right? I also didn't want to go to far because I didn't want to have to up the rating. I always hate rating fics. Anyway please, please tell me what you think. What you hated, what you loved! Flames will be dealt with by a simply flame-freezing charm ;-)

Oh, and I know Emily said in chapter 1 that she was muggleborn, but I just figured she could have said that to James just to remind him that there were muggleborns in Gryffindor sixth-year or whatever. I could go back and change it, but I don't feel like it. Enjoy!


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